The Voice That Broke the Spell

How Lilith Taught Me to Stop Shrinking Myself

A journey of unshrinking, self-trust, and spiritual embodiment

For a long time, I thought power meant silence. That being graceful meant shrinking. I learned early that taking up space—real space—made people uncomfortable, and somewhere along the way, I began to believe that discomfort was my fault. I muted my truths, softened my voice, and let parts of myself go quiet so I could stay safe, stay loved, stay included.

But Lilith had other plans. She came roaring through my chart like a wildfire in Sagittarius, reminding me that my presence isn’t a problem—it’s a prophecy. This is the story of how I stopped shrinking myself and started standing in the full flame of who I am.

Many Black children have carried the weight of words that were meant to discipline or "toughen them up," but instead caused emotional wounding, silencing, or a sense of invisibility. These sayings often came from adults who were themselves trying to protect children from a harsh world—but they still left a lasting impact. And while my experience is rooted in being a Black child, I know I am not alone in hearing:

"Only speak when spoken to."

"Stay in a child's place."

"You talk too much."

"Stop crying before I give you something to cry about."

"What goes on in this house stays in this house."

"That ain't none of your business."

Not many people know that I used to stutter quite a bit as a child. It was hard for me to get out a simple "hello." This affected my confidence when it came to public speaking, but even as a social kid, I still tried out for school plays and loved using my voice in theater. Later, I learned that stuttering doesn’t just disappear—we learn to navigate it through practice and persistence.

In 2022, my mother and I traveled to Accra, Ghana. There, we met a Black woman from Baltimore—a professor and speech pathologist—who told us about her work. Her words brought up so many memories of my childhood struggles with speech. She reminded me that stuttering doesn't go away completely; we just get better at managing it. And when I realized I still do stutter, just not as much, something clicked. I had learned to speak fluently by practicing—but also by surviving the pressure to stay quiet.

There were times I didn’t speak up. I shut down instead of trying to push through. I never realized how much those early experiences shaped my voice today.

As a Virgo Mercury and Gemini Mars, I’ve always known the importance of words. I’ve had to learn how to wield them wisely—not just carefully. Over the years, I’ve stopped aligning my voice with worry and judgment and instead, anchored it in truth.

I am a generational cycle breaker. It ran into me, and I had to rise to meet it. My voice needed to be activated in order to break chains and rewrite old patterns. I can’t just move in faith—I have to speak it, too. My twenties were filled with internal dialogue, but as I entered my 29th year, I made myself a promise to my 30's: to spend more time outside my head and be present with my voice.

Dating a Scorpio activated my voice in unexpected ways. The intensity of that relationship brought so many things to the surface—things I didn’t want, didn’t like, or had kept buried. That relationship was followed by lessons in my friendships, and eventually a hard season with family between 2023 and 2024. We are still relearning how to speak truth together. I needed my voice to do that.

Understanding my natal chart helped me realize why my voice is not just necessary—it’s sacred. There are gifts hidden in the shadows of our charts, and many of mine were left with my inner teen. My voice is helping me recover them, including my spiritual gifts of seeing and knowing. Once, I told someone I could see and hear things others couldn’t. That moment wasn’t received well, and so I shut it down and hid those parts of myself. But now, I’m calling them back.

Living the Embodiment

Lilith in Sagittarius in the 1st house is a placement of wild, untamed expression. It speaks to the sacred rebellion of truth-telling, of refusing to conform, of taking up space with your full being. Sagittarius energy is philosophical, bold, and ever-seeking, while the 1st house represents the self—how you appear, how you move, how you are.

When Lilith sits here, there is often early life messaging that says "your truth is too much," or "tone it down if you want to be loved." People with this placement may have felt punished, judged, or isolated for being outspoken, spiritual in unconventional ways, or simply visible.

But this placement is also an invitation: to reclaim the body, the voice, the philosophy, the presence. To lead with fire and let it be fuel, not fear.

And if Lilith is the wildfire that demands we stop shrinking, then the North Node in Aquarius in the 3rd House is the guiding wind that shows where and how to speak. It has pushed me to communicate more often, more openly, and in ways that serve collective healing. This node says: Use your voice to build bridges. Don't just speak to be heard—speak to connect.

Now, in the time of Aquarius, this placement is being activated more than ever. If you share this North Node, it’s your time. Time to honor this part of your purpose. Time to speak from the soul and guide others to their own revelations through your voice.

Reclaiming your Lilith means learning to trust that you won’t be abandoned for being who you are. It means letting the volume rise on your voice, even if it trembles. It means showing up for your own needs without the need to perform.

You don’t need to be polished. You don’t need to be palatable. You just need to be true.

For those with similar placements—Lilith in Sagittarius, Lilith in the 1st house, or fire sign Liliths—this message echoes: Your body is not too loud. Your beliefs are not too radical. Your truth is not too much.

Let it break the spell.

Ways to Work With This Energy

• Speak before you're ready. Share your truth in your voice, not the one you think will be accepted.

• Move your body freely. Dance, walk, stretch in a way that takes up space. Let your hips lead.

• Write unfiltered. Journal or blog without editing for approval. Let your inner fire have the first word.

• Dress in alignment. Lilith in the 1st wants you to feel yourself. Let your style be part of your reclamation.

• Practice spiritual autonomy. Define your own path, even if it doesn’t look like your teachers’.

Now at 34, I am a talking machine. I may not always get it right in confrontation, but I can roudly say: I’m learning. This is challenging work that many run away from. But during the lockdown, some of us uncovered our talents. Mine was my voice.

Coming out of that relationship in January 2020 was the beginning of a rebirth. My voice had been waiting for me. I began to romanticize my life, become my own muse, and share my experiences. Writing more. Teaching more. Showing up.

It was uncomfortable at first. My Egun were leading me, and I didn’t always understand where I was being guided. But trusting the process led me to create my apothecary, launch the Healing in the Balm Yard podcast, and teach workshops rooted in the medicine I’ve lived.

My voice saved my life. My gifts from the shadow became the light of my life.

If you’ve ever been told you're too much—too loud, too big, too emotional, too intense, too wild—know this: you were never too much. You were just ahead of your time.

This is your invitation to return to your fire. To let your truth be embodied. To unlearn the shame around your voice and step fully into your sacred presence. Lilith isn't here to destroy you. She's here to remind you that you were never broken.

Finding Home In Limbo

The Journey to Spiritual Guidance and Self-Love

Spiritual growth is a journey of transformation. There are moments when we feel grounded, deeply connected to a higher power, and certain of our path. But there are also times when we feel lost, caught between spaces that no longer serve us and the uncertainty of the future. In these moments, finding a spiritual home that aligns with who we are today can feel overwhelming. Yet, it is also one of the most rewarding steps toward healing and self-discovery.

One experience that deeply shaped my understanding of community, patience, and spiritual growth was my time at the Beaucoup Hoodoo Festival. Surrounded by like-minded souls, I realized just how essential community is in the spiritual journey. It wasn’t just about finding a place or practice to call home, but about being in the company of people who support and hold space for each other's growth. The festival reinforced how often we forget the value of patience—not just with others, but with ourselves as we navigate our path. This moment became a turning point, reminding me that patience is essential in finding both our spiritual community and our guide.

The Struggle of Finding Trustworthy Spiritual Guides

For a long time, I sought a spiritual community—one where I could align with the energies around me and grow creatively, not just spiritually. Along the way, I encountered many guides, mentors, and communities, some of which initially seemed promising, only to later reveal their limitations or hidden motives.

The search for a trustworthy mentor has been one of the most challenging parts of my spiritual path. It’s easy to place our trust in others, especially those who appear wise and experienced. But over time, I’ve learned that not all guides are meant for our journey. Some spiritual leaders can be manipulative or lack the tools to help us evolve. One key piece of advice I received from an elder was understanding my needs first—before entering situations I may not want to be in, or before wasting someone else’s time. This wisdom helped me avoid making rushed decisions in a moment of desperation.

I share this because, like many, I’m still figuring it out. We all are. That’s the human experience, isn’t it? In moments of disillusionment, I’ve questioned my worth, feeling as though I had to prove myself to attract the right guidance. These feelings come from deep childhood wounds, where I often felt overlooked and misunderstood. But through these struggles, I’ve learned that self-worth doesn’t come from external validation—it comes from within. This lesson has been reinforced through one-on-one and group therapy, which has helped me better understand myself and how to give myself grace. I hope sharing this part of my journey encourages others to do the same.

Lessons of Love and Detachment

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is the importance of love—love for myself, love for others, and love for the journey itself. Recently, I found myself watching videos about Near-Death Experiences (NDEs), and I was struck by how consistent the themes were across all of them. A common thread in these accounts is the realization that love is the only constant in life. The individuals who shared their stories spoke of a shift in perspective, where love became not just an emotion but a state of being. This insight deeply resonated with me and reinforced the truth I’ve come to understand: no matter the hardships we face, love remains the most profound force in our lives.

This understanding ties into a recent reading I had in New Orleans, where a healer spoke about the sacred art of grounding ourselves, especially for those of us who are empaths or feel deeply, such as those with Pisces placements like myself. The healer shared that in our spiritual work, we must practice love and compassion—grounding ourselves in these feelings without letting the negative energies of the world cloud our judgment.

Detachment, the healer reminded me, isn’t about cutting off love; it’s about releasing attachment to outcomes, expectations, and unhealthy patterns. This lesson of love and detachment has become central to my spiritual journey. Choosing love from a place of freedom and non-attachment has been crucial. Even when I let go of things or spaces I've outgrown, love can continue to flow freely, guiding me forward.

This principle ties into the lesson I’ve been working on since the Beaucoup Hoodoo Festival: that community and connection are vital, but detachment can be just as important. We need to stay grounded in love, but also give ourselves permission to step back from unhealthy dynamics. The festival reminded me of the necessity of surrounding myself with people who reflect this balance of love and compassion in their practice.

Self-love has been one of the most transformative tools in my spiritual journey. For much of my life, I believed I had to earn love, success, or happiness. These beliefs came from childhood experiences where I felt like I had to prove myself in various spaces—spiritually, socially, and creatively. But healing from these wounds required a shift in perspective: I had to begin with love for myself. I had to accept that I am worthy simply because I exist.

Understanding love as a state of being—something we can choose and practice, not just something we feel—has deeply affected how I approach relationships and personal development. This perspective shifts the focus away from seeking validation externally, and instead, empowers us to act with love toward ourselves and others, regardless of how we feel in a particular moment.

This shift in perspective has helped me heal relationships that were once strained—both with others and with myself. Choosing self-love means allowing myself to restore balance, heal past hurts, and create healthier relationships. It’s about embracing my imperfections and giving myself grace. When I operate from a place of self-love, I can love others more fully, forgive more easily, and grow with a sense of peace.

The Power of Godparents and Mentors in Spiritual Growth

In many spiritual traditions, godparents are essential guides, mentors, and sources of support. For a long time, I’ve sought a godparent—someone to walk with me, offering wisdom and guidance as I explore the depths of my spiritual journey. However, finding the right godparent has proven to be more challenging than I expected.

I’ve encountered well-meaning people who weren’t quite the right fit for my path, and I’ve struggled with defining what a godparent should represent. Should they nurture my growth while holding me accountable? Should they challenge me or simply guide me through? The absence of a trusted guide has made me realize that I don’t need a perfect mentor. I need someone honest, compassionate, and respectful of my autonomy while still offering wisdom when needed. Choosing someone that also chooses me too.

In my journey, I’ve come to realize that finding spiritual guidance should be treated with the same care and consideration as choosing a life partner. It takes time. It requires patience. At the Beaucoup Hoodoo Festival, I was able to connect with others who shared their personal experiences of finding a spiritual mentor. Many of their insights and lessons on this journey helped refine my own understanding of what to look for in a godparent. Their stories helped me ask the right questions, and their experiences deepened my understanding of the qualities I should prioritize in a guide.

Example Questions to Ask When Searching for a Godparent

Finding the right godparent is a deeply personal decision, but there are key questions to ask that can help clarify whether a prospective mentor is the right fit for you. I went on a hunt of other articles and journals from other medicine people and healers that have written about this over the years. I've found some amazing articles from the early 2000's that were so helpful, espeically in a time where social media didn't exist the way it exists today. And also how this information have evolved over time to include social media and what to be mindful of in this new day of technology. From all of that research I got : What to look for in a godparent and points to keep in mind:

1. Are They Truly Initiated? This may seem like an obvious question, but it’s an important one. Anybody can hop online and claim anything these days. Sometimes I found that some folks paid for something that wasn't what it was supposed to be. It’s essential to understand their lineage and ask about their initiation process. A godparent should be able to share who initiated them and their spiritual lineage. This is especially important in a community where integrity and authenticity are valued. It’s worth asking for references or talking to others who’ve worked with them to verify their background. This also gives you more insight into what tradition they follow and if it aligns with what you are wanting to learn. There are many spiritual paths within the Orisha tradition, such as Ifa, Santería, Candomblé, and others. It’s crucial to understand which tradition your potential godparent practices. Do their teachings align with what you are looking for?

   
   

2. What Is Their Reputation in the Community? Just as you would research a company before joining, it’s important to understand the reputation of the godparent you are considering. Do they have a strong standing in the community? Do they have a healthy community or support system? Are they known for their wisdom and kindness, or do they have a history of mistreating their godchildren? Don't be afraid of speaking with others who’ve been guided by them to get an understanding of their approach to mentorship.

   
   

3. Do They Teach and Share Knowledge? Being a godparent is not just about overseeing initiations—it’s about providing guidance and teaching. Does your prospective godparent take the time to teach their godchildren the ins and outs of the tradition, or do they offer passive support? Some spiritual guides are incredible diviners but may struggle to be effective teachers. Understanding what kind of mentorship you need and whether the godparent can provide it is essential. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT.

   
   

4. What Are the Expectations and Boundaries? Ask what is expected of you as a godchild. Each house has its own requirements, and understanding what those are upfront can prevent misunderstandings later on. Some houses require regular participation, while others may not. I know of many people who have to travel to see their godparents and ile, while that isn't always ideal-its necessary for those that have found community in other places. Understanding how that fits into your schedule and lifestyle financially. It's such a huge commitment. I find that we travel for things and people that are important to us no matter what- we'll figure it out. It’s also important to discuss boundaries—how accessible are they, what are their communication preferences, and what is their approach to financial contributions?

   
   

5. Are They Transparent About Financials? Spiritual practices can require financial commitments, but transparency is crucial. Be clear about what you can expect to pay for ceremonies, offerings, and initiations. If a godparent demands exorbitant fees or charges excessively for readings and ceremonies, that’s a red flag. Ask for a clear breakdown of costs and what they cover. Spiritual growth should not come at the expense of your financial stability. And do they have a job? This comes up so often. Do they need you to take care of their bills? Are they overcharging or only contacting you for unnecessary ebos or rituals every week.

   
   
   
   

There are so many other questions to ask, but I wanted this to be a starting point for those to start their own list of questions or comments to journal on this journey. You can never ask too many questions and make sure it aligns with your needs. Be clear! This can also be used for anyone searching for a mentor, spiritual coach, guide - insert your own teacher here.

Responsibilities of a Godchild

Once you’ve found a godparent who aligns with your values and goals, it's good understand the responsibilities that come with this relationship. A godchild’s duties are not unlike those of any respectful relationship:

• Be Humble: Humility is crucial in a godchild-godparent relationship. It’s important to be open to learning and to approach the relationship with respect.

• Be Honest: Transparency with your godparent is key. They need to understand your struggles and your growth to guide you effectively.

• Be Helpful: You may be called upon to help with ceremonies or assist your godparent in other ways. While this should never feel like servitude, a willingness to contribute when needed shows your commitment to the relationship.

• Set Boundaries: While it’s essential to be available and supportive, it’s equally important to maintain boundaries. Financial and emotional boundaries should be respected on both sides.

• Stay Open: You are entering into a mentorship, not a perfect relationship. Be prepared to accept advice and guidance—even if it’s not always what you want to hear.

Choosing a godparent or spiritual guide is a profound decision. It should be made with patience, respect, and clarity. You may find yourself drawn to someone initially, only to realize that they are not the right fit for your path. And that’s okay. Trust that the right guide will emerge when the time is right. The Beaucoup Hoodoo Festival reminded me of the importance of community in this process. It’s a reminder that finding the right spiritual home isn’t about rushing the process—it’s about being patient and discerning, trusting that the right connections will come.

When seeking a godparent, remember: take your time, ask the right questions, and trust your intuition. This is a relationship that could profoundly shape your spiritual life, so don’t settle for anything less than what truly resonates with you.

The key to navigating the limbo between spiritually focused spaces and finding a spiritual home lies in balance. I’ve learned that spiritual growth doesn’t depend solely on external guidance—it comes from within. While mentors and godparents offer valuable insights, the foundation of my spiritual journey must be built on how I feel about myself, trust in the process, and a willingness to learn from every experience, even the painful ones.

It’s not easy to trust the journey when it feels uncertain, and it’s even harder when you feel like you’re walking it alone. But every connection, every lesson, is part of the larger tapestry of life.

Embracing the Journey with Compassion

The festival reinforced the importance of community in this process. It reminded me that spiritual growth is not a race. The right connections will come when the time is right, and patience is a crucial part of that journey. Trust the process, remain open to learning, and embrace both community and self-love as you find your spiritual home.

The path may not always be clear, but it’s always worth walking. Embrace the lessons, the love, and the growth that come with each step.

Stop Reopening Closed Doors: Trust the Path Forward

An elder once said, "Stop reopening closed doors." It’s a sentiment that rings deep within, echoing the need to let go of things that have passed and move forward into new possibilities. There’s power in this message—an invitation to release the past and embrace what lies ahead. In times when doors seem to close, it’s easy to feel disappointed or question what went wrong. Yet, in truth, closed doors often signal that it’s time for us to evolve, learn, and align with the path we’re meant to walk.

As eclipse season ushers in, this message holds even more significance. Eclipses are known for their ability to shake things up—bringing the light of awareness to things we might have ignored, swept under the rug, or clung to out of habit. I’m learning what this season truly means. It’s not just about big, transformative events (though those can certainly happen), but about internal shifts. Eclipses help us shed layers and release what no longer serves us, sometimes in ways that feel abrupt or uncomfortable.

During this time, many of us experience "jumplines," karmic breakthroughs, and even ego deaths. These moments often leave us feeling exposed, raw, and ready for something new, but they also remind us that we are constantly evolving. The spiritual work we do, the shadow work, is never truly "done." It’s a continual process of growth, re-learning, and re-evaluating who we are. As long as we are alive, there will always be more to uncover, understand, and release.

Autonomy becomes crucial in times like this. It’s easy to be tempted to revisit old situations, past relationships, or familiar spaces that once felt comfortable. But when we trust ourselves, we remember that what is meant for us will never miss, even if the road is delayed. That delay doesn’t mean it’s not for us—it simply means that there’s something else we need to do first. We might feel called to go our own way, to trust our instincts, and to not fear being separate from the crowd or the past.

Tyler, the Creator wisely said, "Sometimes you gotta close the door to open the window." It’s a beautiful reminder that while we may feel the loss of something familiar, what waits for us on the other side can often be more expansive, more aligned with our true path.

These days, I'm always looking for stories in my practice that resonate with my growth. Numerous stories mirror this sentiment of releasing what no longer serves us and trusting the unfolding of destiny. One such story comes from an Odu Oyeku Meji.

In this Odu, Orunmila guides humanity to release outdated ways and move forward, shedding past attachments and recognizing that new possibilities can only emerge if we are willing to embrace change. Oyeku Meji speaks to the need to release what no longer serves us, emphasizing that when we let go of the past and trust in divine wisdom, we make room for personal growth and spiritual elevation. It is about trusting the natural cycles of life and aligning with the flow of the universe, even when it seems like things are being taken away or altered. In this, there is a powerful lesson about "turning the page" and embracing transformation. It teaches that to truly grow and evolve, one must trust the process of change, even when it feels uncomfortable.

This Odu embodies the sentiment of stopping the reopening of closed doors—reminding us that our soul’s evolution requires us to sometimes leave things behind to allow for new experiences and opportunities to take shape. It teaches that if we persist in trying to return to what has already passed, we hinder our own progress. However, when we let go of the old and embrace the new, we align with the divine flow of life and allow ourselves to expand into new dimensions of growth and understanding.

“Let go of what has already passed, for only by doing so can you open yourself to the new opportunities that await you. Trust in the divine process of transformation, and know that what is meant for you will never pass you by.”

The lesson is clear: to evolve spiritually and personally, we must sometimes let go of old ways, relationships, and situations that we hold onto out of comfort or fear. When we persist in reopening these doors, we block our ability to walk through new opportunities that may be aligned with our highest good.

This is what eclipse season is all about. It’s a time of powerful shifts that encourage us to reflect, release, and realign. In the process, we often face our shadows—the parts of us that fear change, fear being alone, or fear the unknown. But those shadows are not to be feared. They are there to help us understand what’s still holding us back and to guide us into a more authentic, free version of ourselves.

As we navigate this period of growth and transformation, let us remember the wisdom of my elder's words. The new possibilities, the fresh opportunities, and the evolved versions of ourselves are waiting to be discovered. So, let’s stop reopening old doors and embrace the unknown with faith that what is meant for us will always find its way.